didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
