So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
