i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
