Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
