She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
