Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
