so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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