dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
