Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
