just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
