Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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