I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
All the doctor said was why
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
