I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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