Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
