and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
