Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
These tits shall not be calmed
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