I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
