I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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