D3 body, D1 cock
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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