He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My legs feel like baby dolphins
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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