The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
