We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
