guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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