I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
