She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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