I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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