the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
