I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
