those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
