did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
