everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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