Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
