Taylor Swift is so right about you.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Less talking, more tequila
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
