Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
