yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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