Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
