I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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