I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I haven't been this sober since birth.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
