have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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