Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
