Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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