Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
