do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
