My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
