I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
