I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
