my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
