If i come over, it means nothing
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
