hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
so explain again why im purple
no
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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