Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
