May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
why do cheetos always look like penises
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
