i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
