how can u be prego again
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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