Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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