Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
