ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
