Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
