she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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