I am in a vortex of obligation.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
