I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
did i just pee glitter
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
