Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
