i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
