OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just high enough for therapy.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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