I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
BRING THE BAGELS
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff