But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The 17 Absolute Worst Divorces Imaginable
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.