I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.