You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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