it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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