I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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