Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I woke up under a house in Key West
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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