u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
