I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
