before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
