My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
