i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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