yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
