Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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