I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
