508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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