I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
