So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
