drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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