I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
