...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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