Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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