glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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