Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
