I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
