I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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